20 Things I Never Said Before I Had Sons

20 Things I Never Said Before I Had Sons By Eve of thatsmyapple.com Put your penis away. We don’t point guns at our moms. Why is there a jock strap on the table? No, I don’t want to bite your foot. Where are your pants? Dude, put on your pants. Seriously. Where are your pants? Bees are not pets. Raccoons are not pets. Optimus Prime is my favorite Transformer too. No, you may not take apart the microwave. Why does it smell like pickles and syrup in here? Yes, you can be a dinosaur when you grow up. How many light sabers can one person need? Where are all my tampons? Why is the closet door sticky? No daggers at the dinner table. Where are all the couch cushions? Who peed on the floor? No. Mommies don’t have penises.

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