Things I Will Not Judge Another Mother About
- Whether you breastfeed your six-year-old
- Or never breastfed at all because formula just seems less gross than attaching a miniature person to your boob
- What your baby’s hair looks like (looking at you Beyonce)
- Whether you circumcised your son
- How clean your kids are
- How clean your house is
- How stained your clothes are
- Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or work outside the home
- What kind of birth you had. The fact is you no longer have a human inside of you so kudos to you.
- How much unmicrowaved deli meat you ate while pregnant
- How much television you let your kid watch (or computers or video games)
- Whether you share a bed with your kids or they have their own rooms. Or their own houses.
- Your stance on childhood vaccination
- Whether your kid is a brat or hyper or not a good listener. I get it. There’s only so much you can do. They are their own annoying little people.
- How much junk food you give your kid
- Whether you spend your whole trip to the park on your cell phone
- If you sometimes give your kids ice cream for breakfast. I mean, it does have dairy in it so it’s kind of healthy right?
Things I WILL Judge Another Mother About
- Whether you’re skinnier and/or prettier than me. I don’t care how hard you worked to look like that. That shit is just unacceptable.